Here is How We Change That.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but despite the incredible advances in the industry of sex toys for women, men are still winning at sex. Get this fact: during heterosexual sex, men orgasm 95% of the time, while women still only orgasm 65% of the time. In the battle of the Sexes, the answer is clear; men are still dominating via the achievement of personal pleasure.
No one wants anyone to “lose” at sex, but there is more we can do to even the playing field for equality in sexual fulfillment. Modern companies are terming this the ‘Orgasm Gap’, and some (like our friends at VforVibes) are actually working to fix it. Men and women deserve equal access to sexual satisfaction. For far too long, women have unconsciously held themselves back from the enjoyment they deserve. And frankly, the sex toys for women today are far too enjoyable to let them men keep having all the fun.
6 Ways to take Back the Power
1) Care for Yourself
Sure, sex is lovely and amazing, but we also know that the best sex happens when people are treated with care. And the great news? You can do so much of that yourself. That may mean running a bath, enjoying your favorite snack (I’m looking at you, bag of sour cream and onion chips!), or never texting your ex back again.
Self-care is not a one-size-fits-all phenomenon, and we need to constantly check in with what makes our body sing. Our bodies know when we’re behind on washing our hair or spending time alone. The more we practice self-care, the more we’ll be able to turn towards all the excitement our body has to offer sexually.
2) Get some Help
There are incredible sex toys for women out there these days to really help even the playing field in sex. If there’s a tool to do the job, there’s no shame in using the tool (I don’t see anyone spreading peanut butter with their fingers).
Furthermore, there are incredible woman-owned sex toy companies to make purchasing them comfortable. These toys are specifically made for women, by women, and they work. I mean, they really work. Air pulsers, high-powered wands, small toys to use during partner sex- the options these days are endless.
Gone are the days of skeezy phallic heavy sex shops; we’re living in the future. The best vibrators of all time are available now, and they’re out there waiting for you to say you deserve them. Purchase at home for your comfort, and purchase something that ACTUALLY works, not just something that turns someone else on. It’s time to think in the line of your pleasure.
3) Play alone.
All the sexual experiences in the world with others are no replacement for quality time alone with your body. Masturbation is not a dirty word anymore. Enjoying your own body is a birthright.
You are allowed to find out what makes you feel good. It is essential to truly know your body to enjoy sex and reach the epitome of climax. That means spending time loving those curves you used to pinch in the mirror, it means finding sex toys for women that you think actually look cute, and it means treating yourself to the best vibrators available. Spending time with your body ultimately leads to better sex with a partner, too- it’s a win, win situation for all involved.
4) Experiment in your Comfort Zone
The truth is, every person’s sexual experience is different and varies widely. We’re all coming in with varying zones of comfort filled with things we’ve tried and enjoyed before. Notice what you’re currently comfortable with sexually and gently experiment on your own terms.
Nothing can kill the vibe faster than working beyond where you feel safe sexually too fast. So start small and get curious.
Something interesting turn you on? Watch a video about it alone. Read about a new kind of sex toy for women? Take the plunge and try it out. Something you’re into that your partner isn’t? That’s ok, find some erotic fiction and have some alone time. By gradually building your own sexual repertoire of turn-ons, you won’t be dependent on a partner to fulfill all your needs. And ironically, that makes it better when you do connect together.
5) Find Joy in the Journey
Far too often, we’re taught that the entire point of sex is to “finish”. That’s like saying the entire point of going on vacation is to come home again. The journey is half the fun, and it can last for as long as you want.
Air pulsing vibrators for women can work in seemingly seconds flat, but sometimes a sex toy that draws out the experience is a good thing.
Gentle pressure from a beautiful glass dildo or small butt plug can make your trip to O town take longer. Experimenting with different sex toys for women and strategies can be fun. Release the idea you have that your sex needs to be “efficient”. Efficiency is for To-Do lists; you’re allowed to take as long as you want to enjoy yourself.
6) Enjoy the Big O
So you’re finally there and you’re ready to orgasm. This is the moment that so many women get scared.
Scared? Yes, really!
Frequently women are taught that their orgasms are indicative of some outstanding performance for someone else. This can lead to women second-guessing their own pleasure and trying to make sure it measures up to someone else’s expectations.
I can’t be the only one who has second-guessed their orgasm moans.
Goodness, for the longest time, we even thought our sex toys had to make someone else feel ok. Now there are sex toys for women, by women, and while it’s nice to share the experience with others, taking your orgasms back can be empowering. Next time you’re enjoying yourself, take a moment of pause and notice how incredible it feels throughout your body. Say to yourself, “This orgasm is for me, and it feels great.” and take back control of your pleasure.
It can be especially fun to take a pause and notice just how long they can last when you’re actually noticing your own enjoyment.
Support other Women
Women are one another’s greatest allies or most formidable adversaries. It’s time to leave the gossiping and under the breath. Whispers about, “What on earth is she wearing?” are in the past. Modern women support women. And unfortunately, the tendency to knock one another down about their sexual performance is far too common.
Limit judging what other women are into or what they wear. By doing so, you will subliminally create a negative energy surrounding yourself and your own sexuality.
Instead, choose to support women and their sexuality consciously. Contribute to the success of woman-owned businesses, especially those that also help you feel good in sex. Working with one another can help us all take back the power of our pleasure, and we are all on the same team.
Let’s Wrap it Up!
(Literally- as a side note, always practice safe sex!)
So, with all of this being said, it is time to stop letting the men win! There are strategies available to women to help them take back the power; it just takes definitive effort, a little bit of time, and most importantly: the desire to initiate change.
By undergoing the journey to sexual discovery, you will open the doors to newfound pleasures, and life will showcase to you a new meaning of happiness as this fulfillment manifests.