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Online dating has created more opportunities to meet people from all walks of life that maybe you wouldn’t otherwise. It makes dating more accessible, even for people that maybe work from home and don’t have a lot of opportunities to meet people in person.
There are also downsides to online dating. These include the fact that you’re getting to know someone without the background of their friends and family initially. You have to go by what they tell you and maybe do some digging and online searches of their name before meeting in person.
If you do start dating someone, even if you feel like their background checks out, there are still things to watch for. Red flags should always serve as a warning and should give us pause. We tend to ignore red flags in our lives, especially if you start dating someone and you feel like you really like them, but if you are ignoring these issues, you’re only wasting time or even putting yourself at risk.
Some of the biggest dating red flags can include the following.
1. Love Bombing
The term love bombing is one that more people have become aware of in recent years. The initial days of a new relationship are meant to be special, but if you’re dating someone and it seems like they’re over-the-top, it can be a red flag of love bombing.
The concept of love bombing is one where the person doing it is trying to trap the other person in a relationship as quickly as they can. Then, they might only show their darker side later on once you’re fully invested and committed.
While it can be flattering to get attention from someone you’re dating, if they’re coming on very strong, it can be a sign of someone who’s controlling.
You have to realize that it’s not possible for someone to like you that much after meeting you only a few times.
Signs of love bombing can include an excessive interest in everything you do, excessive compliments and gifts, and want to spend a lot of time together right away.
2. Not Respecting Boundaries
Everyone has their own boundaries, and when you start to date someone, you have to learn more about these in a healthy way. If someone jumps into a relationship and starts trying to pressure you into shifting or bending your boundaries, take it as a red flag.
Boundaries can be sexual, but they don’t have to be. They can also mean asking too many questions that you aren’t comfortable answering yet, or not valuing your time.
Sometimes a person might push your boundaries but do so in a way that can seem innocent. For example, maybe they continue to hug you, even when you’ve made it clear that you don’t like it. That’s still a red flag. If someone immediately starts pushing your physical boundaries, no matter how harmless it may appear, then it’s a potential sign they don’t take it well when people tell them no.
3. Bad-Mouthing All of Their Exes
It’s normal to think maybe an ex or two of yours wasn’t ideal as far as how they behaved in your relationship, but if someone immediately talks about how all of their exes were crazy, it might be telling you they’re the problem. You don’t want to date someone who constantly sees themselves as the victim in their relationships because they may not be telling you the whole truth, or they might be unable to see their own flaws.
If you’re dating someone with nothing nice to say about their exes, they aren’t going to say nice things about you either.
4. Lack of Respect For People in the Service Industry
In the early days of dating, you might spend a lot of time around people who work in the service industry. For example, waiters, bartenders, and Uber drivers are all people you might be around, so when you start dating someone, look at how they treat these people.
If you’re dating someone who’s rude or cold to service workers, then it can be a red flag of how they view these people, and it might show they have a sense of entitlement.
5. They Put You Down
When you start dating someone, if it feels like they’re always teasing you or putting you down, consider it a red flag. Someone who’s pointing out your flaws in a joking way, has a mean sense of humor, or is always sarcastic is not likely someone you want a long-term relationship with.
If the person is making jokes at your expense that doesn’t make you feel good, it’s concerning. Even more so is if you tell the person they’re hurting your feelings, and they continue the same behavior anyway.
6. They Want You To Spend All of Your Time With Them
When you are in the early stage of a relationship, you might like to spend a lot of time together, but if someone pushes for that right away, think twice about what’s going on.
If you spend too much time with someone you’re dating and you’re not taking time for yourself, then it can cause you to lose your support systems and your sense of identity.
If someone wants to spend time with you and you aren’t able to, and they pout or try to cause you to feel guilty, this is even more indicative of a deeper problem.
7. They Don’t Initiate
It’s tough to find that sense of balance between someone who wants to spend time with you and someone who’s showing signs of being controlling or love bombing. While you don’t want someone constantly checking in and demanding every second of your attention, you also want to make sure you aren’t dating someone who never initiates anything.
This could include conversations, dates, or intimacy.
If someone has to be pushed into spending time with you, or you’re always the one to reach out, then the other person may not be interested, or they could be someone who generally lacks a sense of motivation.